Self-Care for Athletic Administrators and Coaches

It is not a surprise that pediatric and adolescent students often struggle with their physical and mental health in today’s current environment. Health-care providers who recognize the value of education-based activities worry about the ability of the influential figures in these young people’s lives to be able to adequately respond to those needs.

These same health-care providers worry about the influential people like coaches and teachers in the lives of these young people because the influencers are often struggling with their own physical and mental health.

It is important for the important people in the lives of these young people to be able to fill their own cup so that they can fill the cups of those people who they are involved with such as their student-athletes, families, other coaches and their administrators. When the individual does a better job of self-care, they can better share with those around them.

It is not a surprise to anyone that the more leadership responsibilities an individual carries, the more they are depended on by those around them. Because of this they will need to make sure that they make a conscious effort to take care of themselves, i.e., self-care.

When a teacher, coach or administrator stops to think about the concept of self-care, initially it may be a foreign concept. These individuals, during their own adolescent years and early career, were probably never taught the concept of self-care and, worse, may have never considered it. For many coaches and administrators, the ability to metaphorically burn the candle at both ends earns them some amount of recognition and success.

Many administrators and coaches grew up in the era of “pain is weakness leaving the body.” As a result of this teaching, some individuals never want to acknowledge, much less show, pain. This type of mindset leads many to never to let anyone see them as timid or weak even in times when they are struggling with something in their life.

However, as these individuals moved from adolescence into adulthood, their lives and the world around them became more complex. Their greatest hurdles moved from being physical to being within their head, and their heart, and in relationships with those around them. The best “tools” that coaches learned on the field and the court did not help when faced with challenges like leading their first team, relating to their spouse, or something tragic like burying a best friend after a tragic accident. What got those individuals to that point in their lives will not get them where they want to go.

Over the last several years in society in general and more specifically in education, many have hit a wall in their lives. Coaches and administrators who have built their identities and careers on many of the classic sports lessons learned as kids found themselves in situations that could not be solved by mottos such as “try harder,” “never give up,” there is no “I” in team, or “stay positive.” This has manifested itself in the form of resignation, depression, disillusionment, burnout and even suicide.

While there is no one-size-fits-all prescription, there is a process. The individual needs more tools in their tool belt, and selfcare is one of those tools.

Following is a three-step process that can be utilized to improve self-care (and overall emotional and mental health).

Step One: The individual must admit to themselves AND to others around them that care is needed. To own the truth no matter what you think or what you do, you are human and cannot be the best self by yourself. Like this:

• Sometimes I feel pain.

• Sometimes I am timid.

• Sometimes I am weak.

• Sometimes I need help.

This simple (but not easy) admonition is the gateway to being able to find the care that you need – both internally and from others.

Step Two: Practice noticing and naming what is going on inside of yourself – knowing what you feel.

• I feel hurt.

• I am lonely.

• I am overcome with fear.

• I feel guilty.

• I feel shame.

This concept is not easy to work through. Many would have a person believe that “not being controlled by their feelings” (another great sports lesson heard from coaches) means that emotions are bad or weak. This leads to a state of emotional constipation for an individual who walks around like a shaken-up soda bottle with no productive way to air out the hardships of their life. In truth, emotions are not bad or good they just “are.” They are part of what makes a person human. Learning to notice them and express them, allows a person to stop wasting energy trying to hide them or numb them away. The only people who are controlled by their feelings are those who pretend like they don’t have them.

Step Three: Once you know what you feel, then you can start to name what you need – including what kind of self-care you need to be the best self. It is like an airplane oxygen mask where a person must put on his or her own mask first before helping anyone else. You cannot give what you do not have.

Statements that support this concept are like these:

• I am hurt. I need to spend time with someone who can help me heal.

• I am fearful today. I need some courage. I need to ask someone to go with me.

• I am tired. I need to say “no” to some things so I can rest and play.

• I am angry. I need to spend time journaling about what is bothering me so much.

• I feel guilty. I need to apologize today.

• I am overwhelmed. I need help setting better boundaries in my life.

• I am lonely. I need to find some meaningful connection today.

For individuals to grow, they need good resources and possibly professional help. Two excellent resources are the book “The Voice of the Heart” by Dr. Chip Dodd, and the website NashvilleCoachingCoalition. com. What got you here, will not get you there.