Youth Sports Coaches: Building Trust with Parents

According to the Aspen Institute’s national survey, 87 percent of parents believe there is a shortage of high-caliber youth sports coaches, and what they’re most looking for is a trustworthy coach: 83 percent wish their child had more access to well-trained coaches.

More well-trained coaches are needed, and yet most reasonably well-trained coaches still don’t really let parents know often enough what the coach is thinking, and why – information such as sharing some on strategy, sharing about their child and how they’re doing and their place on the team, sharing about coaching philosophy.

In fact, the Ohio State National Coaches Survey reported that only 40 percent of coaches feel comfortable communicating like this with parents.

If more coaches simply defined their coaching philosophies a little better, and shared that and other values and a little more about their reasoning behind decisions, parents would feel those coaches were a lot more trustworthy.

A high school coach still has to run an effective program. Running a safe, fun program where the students obviously grow builds a ton of trust with students and parents alike. But even most effective coaches still could be much more proactive and open communicators with parents than many coaches might feel comfortable being.

Yes, youth sports coaches need more training in the psychology of competition, how to place winning in perspective, and how overall to make the team experience both challenging but emotionally and physically safe.

However, most coaches also can do better at communicating with parents. If coaches started doing better at reaching out to parents to inform them and explain their reasoning a little more, and asking parents to help in some concrete ways, and not in others, coaches would see a pretty immediate rise in parent satisfaction with their program.

Parents will then communicate better with coaches, so it becomes good two-way communication. Simply as a function of basic human nature, we will communicate more, and more honestly, with people who we trust are not out to hurt us, but are out to help us, to work with us.

That’s the place where coach-parent relationships should be going, if they’re not already there.

A few steps can get coaches to that place.

1. Have and share often with student-athletes and parents – as well as activities and athletic directors and boosters – a well-thought-out philosophy that guides your coaching. This doesn’t have to be pages of thoughts. Briefly lay out some core values that guide your reasoning for decisions, and the guideposts you use to create a vision for the season and practice plans to get there, what you want your young athletes to learn. Make clear, for example, what place winning has in your priorities for the team. Explain how winning is great and we try, honorably, to win, but winning is less important than players giving 100 percent effort, being eager to learn, and showing high character, especially under adversity.

2. Frequently be in touch proactively with parents and explain the “why” behind decisions, and the lessons you want the team to draw from matches or games just played. You’re coaching your parents, too. Share what the broad practice plan is for the coming week, the lessons you want the team to remember from their play—mental, strategic, sportsmanship, etc. This helps parents understand your priorities, and reinforce those lessons with their child.

When you share your thinking, it helps parents trust that you are a rational, deliberate and thoughtful person who has nothing to hide, which means their child is in an environment where they are probably going to be ok. If you have the time – which many volunteer coaches don’t have much of – send the parent group little text or email write-ups after games or matches that highlight what different team members did well, and some things we all can improve on as a team. This kind of detail takes extra effort on the part of coaches, but it shows parents you really care about their kids. And it helps parents feel they know what’s going on. When parents feel you care about their child, and they know what’s going on, they trust you more as their child’s coach. It also makes it more likely that, if they come to you with a concern, there’s already a lot of good will going on between you, which makes resolving concerns much easier.

3. Ask for parents’ help in supporting the team. Genuinely invite parents to watch practices and come to games or matches to cheer, while making clear, politely and respectfully but firmly, that they can support and cheer but not coach. When they do show up, make sure to greet them with a smile and be enthusiastic about their being there. Tell them something nice about their child! Ask parents to help provide healthy snacks and drinks on game days, or help car-pool students to away matches and games, or help plan recognition for season-ending awards ceremonies or recognition of seniors or teammates moving on to another grade level. Many parents will want to help but can’t because of their work schedules or other family responsibilities. Tell the parent group you understand that, so busy parents don’t feel guilty. But many will be able to help out, if you only ask.

None of this is rocket science. But it also doesn’t just happen. Coaches need to genuinely see and act toward parents as true partners, the third leg of the team stool, along with coaches and student- athletes. If coaches consistently do these three steps to partner with parents, then the team will be strong and everyone will enjoy the season more!

Coach Pete Scales is a developmental psychologist known internationally for his work in promoting positive youth development, and the creator of the acclaimed Compete-Learn-Honor™ approach to coaching and person-player development, that places effort, learning and character above winning as goals in youth sports (www.competelearnhonor.com). A certified tennis teaching professional by three credentialing bodies, he has been a boys and girls tennis coach at Parkway South High School in Missouri for 35 seasons, and is a regular mental game columnist for Racquet Sports Industry Magazine, and the National Alliance for Youth Sports. His award-winning books for coaches, parents and students on the mental and emotional game in sports are available on Amazon.